One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize