You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
