Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
