do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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