the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
