DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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