ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize