But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
