we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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