Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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