thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
