I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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