I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
