Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
