Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
