Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
