Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
