The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
