did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize