I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
