Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
