just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
