haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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