i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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