just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
