weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
