you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
