She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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