I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
