There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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