Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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