Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
