His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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