So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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