if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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