it wasn't lemon gatorade
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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