there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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