i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
