So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize