There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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