Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
