So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
