just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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