I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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