does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We had sex on a dog bed..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
