I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
