based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
