If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
