I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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