Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
