I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
