I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
