If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize