Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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