bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
