I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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