Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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