so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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