Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
