You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
