i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
