so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
