you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
