I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
