Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
