best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
